Turkish Delight
Do you live here?
Yes.
Shit, l'll lick the shit from your ass.
Let's go.
What are you doing to me?
l'm spreading your thighs...
...and then l'm sticking my prick in you...
...and then l'm gonna fuck you.
Stop being a cry-baby.
You are very mean! You're kicking me out.
l didn't even get a souvenir.
Here, hang it over your bed.
- l'm coming along. - Get out.
What do you want? Get your ass out of here!
- l wanna go for a ride. - Get out!
l coming along.
Don't touch me!
What can l do?!
Fuck!
lt's stuck. Can you help me a bit?
Don't bother.
Why not?
l'll just use the bottom half.
What's your name?
Josje.
Did you enjoy it?
l missed God's presence.
l fuck better than God.
No.
A little flabby.
My ass is too flabby, my tits are too small! You make me feel like a cow!
ls that her?
Nice, don't you think?
But she dumped you for the flrst fucker that came along.
Hey, are we still going to do something?
Okay.
See you.
Valkenburg, 2 years earlier
What are you doing down there?
What's that?
Maggots and worms.
According to the scripture, he had been dead for four days.
l have some champagne here. Please come closer.
After all, you're helping to promote tourism in this community...
...and we want to give you something special in return.
Yes, we are absolutely grateful.
So as we say in Limburg, "ala!"
Now, let's take a look at what you gentlemen have created.
And this is?
The rising of Lazarus.
Jesus, l am Lazarus
Yeah, it's almost flnished, isn't it? Only here, it looks a little rough?
That is not rough, that's flnished.
Those are his maggots.
Maggots?
Maggots and worms.
Now listen, that can't be.
lt's distasteful. The Board won't allow it.
lt's in the Bible. He was dead for four days.
- You have to change it! - Not a chance.
Get rid of that crap or l'll notify the Mayor!
Go fuck yourself.
Let go.
Give me a kiss.
Oh, my fur, my fur!
...that you will remember this meal for years to come.
Ladies and Gentlemen, congratulations and cheers!
- How did you get that jacket? - With a kiss.
What's that?
A house specialty.
Oh, gross!
Here, look what l found in the meat.
lt's a goddamn horse's eye.
A horse's eye!
Son of a bitoh.
This is outrageous!
- You call that food?! - Please, calm down.
- But sir, it's an exquisite game dish. - lt's slaughterhouse waste.
Guests?! What do you mean, guests?!
Take the stew away.
This is concrete. Concrete.
Let's see who can knock a hole in the ceiling.
- You always pick up hitohhikers? - Never.
- Never? - No.
ls that real?
What, you think it's a wig? They used to call me little lampshade.
The rest also?
What rest?
Here.
Look for yourself.
P.
What?
Park.
Don't knock me up!
Did you come inside me?
Not a drop, sweetness.
- Love me a little? - Yeah, a little.
What's wrong?
lt got stuck.
Got any pliers?
No, l always call AAA.
Now, let's drive over to that barn.
Okay.
- What do l ask them? - For pliers!
- l'll take care of it. - No, don't bother.
Just let me take care of it.
Thank you.
Hurry up! Hurry up!
Thanks!
My pants are ruined.
Are you cold?
'Cause l went outside.
l've got something for you.
How did you get that?
l found it. Here, put it on.
Olga.
Stop!
Stop now!
Help!
Stop!
ls Olga home?
Who is calling?
- Eric Vonk. - Not for you.
ls Olga around?
No, she isn't.
She's not upstairs?
Then l'll wait until she comes back.
Then wait outside. Get out of here.
Then l want to talk to her father or mother.
Sure, l'm her.
Hello ma'am, l'm here to see Olga.
l'm sorry, she's out of town.
Where did she go?
- l can't tell you that. - Why not?
l think it's better that l not.
- Where is she? - l don't want to see you here again.
l don't give a shit what you want. l care about what Olga wants.
She doesn't want to see you.
- Says who? - She does.
That's not true. We were in an accident together.
Exactly, the police told us all about it.
lt was quite sordid.
l want to see her or l'm going to smash this place.
Get the fuck out!
l fucked her! l fucked her!
You're not the only one.
Eric!
Hi!
How have you been?
Fine!
How is your...?
My what?
You know, that.
How have you been?
Miserable. l didn't know where you lived.
l stopped by your place but your mom said you weren't there.
l was visiting a friend. That accident shook me up.
Gosh, what a beautiful space.
- How did you get it? - Swindle and bribery.
Did you make this?
- l haven't worked on it lately. - Why is that?
l was in a car accident.
- And this? - A museum piece.
lt must be expensive.
Not at all.
l stole it.
You didn't, did you?
Oh, you're watohing me.
How do l taste?
Like oysters.
Do you like oysters?
lt's an acquired taste.
l gotta go pee.
Do it in my mouth.
Pervert. Where do l go?
There.
- Are you cold? - No.
Do you love me?
Yes, are you coming?
ln a bit. l gotta go too.
You seem to be glad to be back.
Aren't you?
How dare you bring this guy in here?
Well? l asked you a question?
And he doesn't know proper behavior.
- Let go! - l'm throwing you out!
- lf Eric goes, then l go too. - l'm still your mother!
You can't stop me! We've been living together for weeks!
- Oh, is that so? - Yes.
We'll see about that.
lt's child abuse, she's a minor.
Don't be such a child.
We're getting married.
Married?
What's all the noise? Sounds like a radio play.
- Daddy! - Sit down.
Your daughter is getting married. Just like that, while you were away.
Well, who is the lucky man?
l am.
He's the one who crashed the car.
Come on, woman, just a piece of tin.
- So, you don't care? - What do you want me to do?
Fight him?
Oh, shut up! You're not marrying that bum!
l'm not going to be the laughing-stock of the neighborhood.
Out of the question!
You think it's a joke?!
l don't want anything to do with you.
l won't live under the same roof as that bastard!
So, that's settled.
Do you think she meant it?
Let's make ourselves comfortable.
Don't cry.
Here you go. Cheers.
Did you hear the one about the two guys who went to Paris?
No.
They never went.
ls that her?
This is Olga.
This is Paul. He is a doctor but still a human being.
- There you go. - Thank you.
We're going to be late!
What is it you're doing today?
Please, take a seat.
What is it you're doing today?
You're going to be publicly announcing and tying...
...what has grown between you over the years.
l can't believe these girls aren't more careful.
And now, would you please stand...
..and give each other your right hand.
Do you Erik Vonk...
- lt's coming. - What is it dear?
lt's coming!
Oh Lord!
l'm wetting myself.
ls there a doctor around?
- Paul, go on! - No, shut up.
He is a doctor. Come on.
Come with me.
Shall we continue?
Do you Eric Vonk, take Olga Staples as your wife...
...to love and to hold and to cherish her...
...for as long as you both shall live?
l do.
Do you, Olga Staples, take Eric Vonk as your husband?
Yes.
- You idiots! - We just got married!
Zipper.
Jesus Christ.
Mr. Vonk?
This is for you, sir.
Thanks.
- Tina Elgers... you know her? - Yeah. My old school friend.
That's sweet. Let me put them in water.
What are you doing?
Putting them in water.
Let's continue.
Motherfucker.
- Mr. Vonk, l have a package-- - Prick!
Congratulations on your marriage.
Uncle Homer and Aunt Emily.
There you go.
Don't be such an asshole! They mean well.
- Not in the mood anymore? - No.
No!
Take that!
Congratulations! l hope you'll be very happy.
And now you're one of the family, you get a kiss too.
We had a daughter, and now we're getting a son!
Not bad for your age.
Congratulations.
This is Tina, she sent the flowers.
Look at Olga. She got married, and before l did.
What a beautiful scarf.
Do you like it? lt's yours.
Nonsense, l have thousands of them. Now you have something nice.
Do you like it?
lt doesn't matoh the hat.
Then she can take it off.
Guys, the flrst ones are done!
Eric, this is for you guys to go on a nice trip.
You're a sweetheart.
Did you hear the one about the two guys who went to Paris?
- They didn't go. - Oh, you've heard that one.
Good morning, kids.
Breakfast.
Here you are, sweetie.
And this is...
...for you.
Crackers.
l'm gonna take a shower.
Hey, just wait a bit.
That's not funny. Put it away.
Your mother's charmers are made of air.
Don't make fun of that. She only has one breast.
She had breast cancer.
Was it a long time ago?
As a little girl she used to tell me that l sucked it off when l was a baby.
And that all babies do that, sucking off breasts.
Okay, l'll return it.
Greetings, Erik
Don't we have a darling of a daddy, lending you his car?
Oh, woman, it's just a piece of tin.
See you.
- Bye Daddy. - Bye sweetie, have fun.
Bye!
Give me some.
Yuck, you bastard!
Damn it, get me out of here! Get me out of here.
Help me! Help me!
Let me out! Help me out! Out, out, out!
My little panicky girl.
What are you thinking?
What you'll look like in 30 years.
Jesus, can't you think of anything else?
What are you doing?
I want something to remember you by.
You're always doing these weird things.
Give me that!
lt's real gin. You can drink it.
There could be poison in it, you don't know. lt's dangerous!
Say l shouldn't do it, because l'm doing it.
So, you don't care?
You're a comedian.
ln 25 years l'll look at it again.
Come, let's go to bed.
Paul!
You can't just walk in here. We're with a patient.
lt's okay, nurse.
We got it. 5,000 guilders.
Materials included.
- Did they make it difficult? - As long as it's not too modern.
Without me, he would have never gotten that job.
- We'll put the statue here. - Am l gonna pose?
Like that.
- l have to go pee. - Just wait a minute.
The song is dedicated to a beautiful girl with red hair.
-l'm going to tape that. -Okay.
- You've got to go pee-pee? - No, l've got to go poo-poo.
That's what l'm gonna do with you in a little bit.
l'll be right there.
Don't do that! l'll lick it for you.
You won't!
Open, open up!
What? What's the matter?
- l have it too. - What?
Cancer.
What do you mean, cancer?
Go look for yourself.
There was all this blood coming out of me.
lt's true, isn't it?
You know what it was?
All those beets you ate last night.
l thought something really scary came out of me.
Oh, sweetheart.
Only beautiful things can come from your poopy-hole.
l've got a surprise for you.
Back to work.
Oh...bummer!
Hold it!
Stop! What are you doing? Go back.
- l was invited. - l don't give a damn.
- Hurry up! - Don't touch me.
Get the hell out of here.
Hey, Paul!
Sir, you can't park your car here.
Keep your hands to yourself
Paul, they don't want to let me through.
- Mr. Vonk. - They're out of their minds.
What are you doing? This man is officially invited, he's the artist.
Mr. and Mrs. Vonk, how are you? Please follow me, we must hurry.
Well, take the gentlemen's bike!
And be careful with it.
- You're leaving? - Yes. Have fun!
You know how to address her? She likes to be called Madam.
But please, do me a favor and call her "Your Majesty".
Please, stand here.
After the unveiling of the statue...
...you will be presented to the Queen.
You are not to step forward, her Majesty will come to you.
Oh, good Heavens, here she comes!
Oh goodness, they're here already.
And don't move! Whatever happens, don't move!
All right, girls, make two lines!
Keep your hands at your back. And what is your job, Anne?
l will step forward, like this.
No, don't step forward. Her Majesty will approach you.
Just stand there and wait.
No, she's not supposed to step forward.
Line up everybody. Line up. Line up.
lt's so hot.
Hey, now it's our turn!
Goddamn it! They're doing that on purpose.
Hey man, move over.
Move over!
Let's go to the other side.
Which one do you prefer?
l don't care. As long as they smell nice.
Unbutton your shirt.
The next statue will be like this.
Like what?
Persefone.
Who is this Persefone?
The Goddess of the Underworld.
Sure.
We'll be right there.
Who was it?
We must go to your parent's.
Your father isn't doing too well.
What did the doctor say?
Shall we go inside?
Daddy is very... handkerchief.
Daddy is very...
Daddy.
Daddy, what happened?
l'm going to be without a man!
l feel like dish drying rack.
Daddy's getting worse!
Come on, darling.
He wants to see you too, son.
You are taking my red-haired Olga with you.
Have you heard the one about the two guys who went to Paris?
No.
They didn't go.
- One from this angle? - Go a little forward.
- ls that gonna do it? - One more.
l'll see you later. Gentlemen, go ahead.
A last remembrance.
- Where are you going? - Amsterdam.
You're supposed to take over the business!
Ask someone else. Plenty of candidates.
But this is a nice job!
You can keep your job!
As a sculptor you won't make a penny! You bum!
l can take care of myself just flne!
Hey, look out!
What's going on? What's wrong with you?
l don't know. l wasn't paying attention.
She's always having these deep thoughts of getting fucked.
- That's it. - Great.
l bet your wife posed for that.
Two hundred guilders.
Please, wrap it up.
Thanks.
Eric, can you give me a hand?
l earned it myself.
l sold a drawing.
Hello. How sweet of you.
- Which one is it? - That one.
lsn't that you?
The unveiling went a bit strange, huh?
There you go. Thank you.
Prick!
Can't you be a little nicer to my customers?
Why did you have to sell that one?
Because he picked it out.
lt's shitty because it's a drawing of us.
So what?
Damn it, you just don't do such a thing!
Oh really? When you die, I'll even sell your body to the hospital.
You prick!
Olga!
Hello, Olga darling.
- Tina, why are you here? - l'm here to pick you up.
Everyone's going to the Convention Center. You must come!
Okay, let me go change.
Give me a hand.
- There. - Thanks.
Bye. l'll be back before dinner.
Hey, where are you?
Jesus Christ, l'm just about to put the steak on.
Alright, l'll be there.
Ladies and Gentlemen, give a hand to our great artist.
A chair for the gentleman!
There's no more room here. We're full.
Excuse me, l'm disturbing you.
Hey, doesn't your mother-in-law get a kiss?
Still not married?
Oh, what do l see now?
My napkin, l lost it.
Hey, keep your snotrag to yourself.
What do l do with those?
Finish them.
You are three rounds behind.
You can't miss out on anything today.
Whatever you can't flnish, you can take home.
That goes for you too, Eddie.
Here, have some chili sauce, it makes you hot!
He doesn't need chili sauce, he needs a flre extinguisher.
Where are you going?
Guys, guys, someone's choking. Let's do mouth to mouth resuscitation.
- That's his specialty. - Yes, where is the victim?
Hey, over here.
So, now l'm gonna shake hands with the little guy.
- Hey, don't take the wrong door. - Ladies is to your right.
l didn't see a thing.
Did you?
You dirty son of a bitoh, you bastard!
- Olga. - Eric, l'm not coming back to you.
- Don't be silly. Where are you? - None of your business.
l'm only calling to say l'm never coming back.
Fine! Go get fucked by that jerk!
Get out of here! l'll call the police!
Open up! l want to talk to Olga!
There's nothing to say. lt's all over between you.
We're still married. lf she wants a divorce, we have to discuss it.
lndeed. The sooner the better.
l have a surprise. Eric is here to discuss the divorce.
l want to talk to her alone.
You've lost weight.
l feel flne. Nothing's bothering me.
Why did you go with that prick?
Because l felt like it. You were driving me insane.
The only thing you care about is fucking! Ten times a day!
And when we weren't, l was holding a stupid doll in my hands.
These lips have kissed someone else.
lt can't be over, just like that.
- You call that talking? - Yeah.
Talk to the lawyer, come on, Olga.
Don't let that bitoh push you around!
Leave me alone!
Good. l'm done, now you can leave.
l'm sleeping here, not at the train station.
Suit yourself. Olga's room is locked.
Good boy.
Come on, darling.
Go ahead, scream. She can't hear you. She's walking the dog.
l've been with another guy.
l don't care! l'll lick his semen out of your cunt!
lf l get pregnant, l won't know who's baby it is.
Get off of her!
You dirty rapist! Get off! Get off of her!
Go away, go away!
You dirty swine, come out! Come out!
Look it, flsh.
Chicken.
l've come for my things.
He's my flancé.
Come in.
Leave it open.
ls this what you do nowadays?
Yeah. They sell pretty good.
To whom?
There you go.
Do you prefer it like this?
l love you.
Don't you dare, idiot! Can't you ever stop?!
- Who is your playmate? - An American.
We're getting married and then going to the States.
You have nice company.
Something else to put in a cage.
l almost didn't recognize you.
Eric.
l still have a strand of your red hair at home.
The most modern look, because of hormones.
Since when do you need hormones?
Otherwise l look like crap.
Who gets the tie?
Let's go get some coffee.
- Did you make him? - No, he's from the Congo.
- What are these spikes for? - They're Voodoo spikes.
lf you hate someone you put one in the head, and they'll die.
You must have been thinking of me. My head has been killing me lately.
May l help you?
Coffee. Strong, please.
Two coffees.
The seagull l had is gone, you know.
l'm back living with my mother.
America was a disaster. The guy was nuts.
Have l changed?
You look great.
Don't you think my boobs are big?
l put a special ointment on them. lt makes them more beautiful.
Here you go.
l asked for tea.
No, ma'am, you ordered coffee.
- l asked for tea. - Ma'am, you're mistaken.
Not at all. Eric!
A pot of tea, please.
Look. Aren't they nice?
lt's candy.
lt's muggy. Shall we go?
Let's go to the beach! Just like we used to.
l'll get the check.
Okay, l'll go to the ladies room.
- Sir. Can you come please? - The money's on the table.
Something's wrong with your wife.
Let me through.
Nurse, come with me.
Just hold on, we're almost done.
- lt hurts so bad. - l know.
A door in my head.
l brought you something.
How do l look?
Great.
lt's only temporary. The doctor says my hair will grow back.
Sure.
What are you doing?
l'm not allowed to read. lt's bad for my eyes.
But l do it anyway.
Shall l read to you?
l can read pretty well myself, you know.
His face was close to hers.
Her breath... His face was close to hers.
l can't keep my thoughts together.
Her breath stopped in her throat.
Never had she dared hope for this.
She could barely look him in the eyes.
"l love you," he said.
"How about you? Sweetest, please tell me you love me too."
She looked at him and all she could do...
...was surrender to the impulse in her heart..
"l love you, too," she said...
...and those words contained all the tenderness in the world.
Hey, Eric.
- How is Olga? - She's groggy.
You're injecting her with too many drugs.
We removed a tumor from her brain. But we couldn't reach all of it.
Now we're going to try radiation.
How long has she got?
lt's hard to say.
Drink it quickly and you'll be cured quickly.
Look.
No, l don't want to drink. l want to eat.
Something tasty.
Turkish Delight.
No, impossible.
- lt will break my teeth. - Nonsense.
- Your teeth are very strong. Here. - No!
l have caps. They're loose.
Go ahead and feel for yourself. Come on.
See. They're very strong.
l'm bored.
Shall we play a game?
Shame on you, aren't we wild and naughty!
Turn her around.
Alright, now you can take a nice long nap.
l think you'd better stay the night.
l'll have them bring you some food.
Mr. Vonk!